Yes, things have been quite turbulent. Everything from organizing the community, my relationship with the leadership within my community, the events that impact the community, to stirring up emotions about people and maybe also reckless behavior. It's been so heavy-handed I haven't had much time to fret about whether or not I'm delusional about the relationship I have with a few people...and really, isn't that the only thing I ever feel like writing at lengths about?
I think it's actually worthy of mentioning that what I'm not sure about is not that whether or not there are some deep feelings stirring about now, but whether or not I will suffer the way some guys do where they THINK they are dating someone but that is not consensual when it comes to it as a truth. Actually, to choose the word think is probably wrong. It's more of a feeling...because it's not that I decide that I want to date someone that I make things happen, but rather that I want to spend time with friends in intimate ways that then make me think we are...or sometimes that urge to be intimate is so strong that it needs to be, or else kept in check. Anyway, I just don't know what truth I should seek for related to consent...or properly figure out what the next steps that result from it are.
On a completely concrete note, I should also state that it's my birthday. And I brought together a whole slew of people together. That makes me happy. It also makes me happy that I am slowly building a network of support where I can go to get opinions on things to maybe re-affirm myself when I am not sure.