Fate would have it that I accidentally called someone on the phone. This someone is someone that as I get to know I find things that I don't quite enjoy. And now this someone expressed interest in meeting up again--a week later after we first met up after a long time. This'll give me something I wanted to be able to do with anyone realistically in what feels like an eternity.
I wonder if a part of me is intentionally going to a surprise birthday party for someone who isn't really considered a friend of mine because the company I'd get to keep are people who have a special place in my heart, both as people who I work with and as people tie me down emotionally. And what I don't see is potential of something good to come of it but I do see a lot of the emotional stirrings I now cause. A part of me is fascinated. Fascinated that something so sure has managed to be shattered when I made the situation emotionally delicate... and I want to investigate, like a cat climbing all over it, ignoring the mess I potentially will cause.
I'm back to playing games...and there's no exception, and only incited by the fact that I'm suddenly solicited to spend time with all these assorted people, but I do not swell in pride for the popularity. My popularity is built from the past when I didn't waste any time and I was unfake with all the people I surrounded myself with. And I can't undo any of it.